Mother’s Day is near. This day, a celebration of those who mothered us as we grew can be a painful day for many. Mother’s day has certainly been a day of mixed emotion for me, as I remember my first little girl, Faith Felicity, who passed away at two months of a heart defect. I know that I have readers who want children, but have had a hard time getting pregnant. I know there are mothers who read my blog who have also lost children. Many of you who read here have lost mothers, never knew your mother, or had a painful relationship with their mothers.
So, while we appreciate the mothers in our lives, I am also very aware of how this day can be a sensitive or painful day to many as well.
But how does this relate to my food blog? Well, my food blog was inspired a lot by my own motherhood journey. While I was someone who ate a fairly good diet since my High School years, after Faith Felicity passed away, I took a real look at whether there was anything I could do to help bring down the chances of having a baby with any type of birth defect.
As Joel and I started looking to our future again, I had many fears about having more children. Two months is a short amount of time, but the two months I spent watching the sickest babies, the worst-case scenarios play before my eyes in the NICU during Faith’s life was very life affecting. I had no idea that so many birth defects and complications could happen with newborn babies. It was heart breaking and scary. I realized that our sense of peace in having children is often based on the thought that it “won’t happen to me” and we find hope in the statistical unlikelihood of any problem. But having my own child born with a heart defect forever took that false assurance away from me. Faith’s heart defect is statistically very unlikely to be a problem again any future children for Joel and I, for which we were very grateful. But one family in the Portland area has had three children with that same heart defect – all of whom have survived. There are no guarantees with statistics.
So we were nervous. I knew that the Lord had our lives in his hands and that I needed to trust in Him, as hard as that was, no matter what happened in the future.
And, I also wanted to make sure that I was a good steward of my body and health and the resources that the Lord had given me. The heart defect that Faith had has still not been linked to any nutritional deficiency, but regardless a well-nourished body is a good place for a baby to be conceived in. I remember that I was particularly encouraged by an article that discussed a clinic in the UK who worked with couples who were infertile. These couples were tested for heavy metals (those who were found to have heavy metals in high amounts were put on detoxing protocols) and they were put on really nourishing and healthy diets, and then a high percentage of these couples found themselves pregnant against the odds with less complications and birth defects than the general populace.
(Affiliate)
I was encouraged that diet and nutrition can help make healthy babies – even if that isn’t a guarantee in this toxic, fallen world of ours.
And our world is toxic. One birth defect that has long been linked to a vitamin deficiency has just recently also been linked to a toxin in our environment as well. While a well-fed, well-nourished mother, is a good place for a baby to be conceived in, and can definitely help reduce the strain of toxins, it sometimes can’t reduce all risks. I can’t completely overhaul the world of its toxins, but I am glad that there are things I can do to reduce toxins, and to build up the nutritional status of my children’s diet and my own.
There is that balance of knowing that the decisions I make do play a part in the health of my family, and the knowledge that there is still many things that lay out of our control. I think that in the health food world, we like to think that we can solely change our “destiny” and life outcomes. And there are so many amazing stories of how food has healed, nutrition has helped the infertile, and how natural treatments have saved lives. I am so grateful for those resources and the impact they have had. I also know that it won’t always turn imperfect lives into perfect ones, and that there aren’t guarantees.
Meanwhile, I see the help that a good diet has been in my family. I appreciate that a nourishing diet is delicious, satisfying, and gives us good energy to meet the day. And it certainly hasn’t hurt our fertility! We have been blessed with two more girls since Faith Felicity who have filled our days with the everyday problems and joys of broken toys, the drama of sharing, and the awe-struck perspective of discovering the world through the eyes of a child again.
When my friend, Donielle, from Naturally Knocked Up, let me know that she was gathering important resources on fertility and nutrition, it resonated with me, as my motherhood journey has been crucial in the my own path towards a nourishing diet. She asked me to be an affiliate to her bundle that includes books that give information on preventing miscarriages, building up a man’s fertility, using emotional freedom techniques to emotional heal on your journey towards pregnancy, and much, much more. I was glad to do so.
This topic is dear to my heart not because I think we have absolute control over everything, but because I think that information like this can help so many lives. And while I don’t usually do two bundles so close together, I felt that this information was too important not to pass on to you. So, if you are interested in this topic, you can check out Donielle’s package here.
I hope that the information gathered together in this bundle can help my readers, and prove a blessing to many.
While I know that I don’t have all of the answers, resources, and omniscience to control everything, I am also grateful for the gift of food and nutrition and other natural healing protocols that have already proved a blessing in our lives.
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so sorry to hear about this loss kimi. thank you for sharing something so vulnerable with us. while the pain can never be fully understood in the moment, it seems to me that it always leads us somewhere beyond where we ever could have arrived on our own. at least this is how it was for me. sounds like this loss planted a seed in you–both metaphorically and also literally, to grow something meaningful and helpful for all of us to share. blessings to you dear one!
Thank you, Ariyele! You are appreciated. 🙂
so sorry to hear about this loss kimi. thank you for sharing something so vulnerable with us. while the pain can never be fully understood in the moment, it seems to me that it always leads us somewhere beyond where we ever could have arrived on our own. at least this is how it was for me. sounds like this loss planted a seed in you–both metaphorically and also literally, to grow something meaningful and helpful for all of us to share. blessings to you dear one!
I can relate. I lost my son to cdh and I took a good look at what we were eating. I did a complete revamp. I have one healthy child since then and am pregnant again. I pray that I have another healthy one as well. ((Hugs)) happy Mother’s Day to you
So sorry, Nicolle, to hear of your loss. Giving you a virtual hug as well. And Happy Mother’s day to you!
Boy I sure wish all this information was available 25 years ago when I so desperately tried to get pregnant. Back then it was in-vitro or nothing else. So we ended up childless. So happy to see so much has been learned to help other couples conceive a baby. Good luck to all those struggling, and as I’ve said it before, Kimi, I’m so sorry for your loss. Nothing can be said to make things better, but I’m so happy that you now have such gorgeous little girls in your arms.
As a side note, I’ll just say, I HATE the term “knocked up”. Just vulgar for me – when the discussion involves the conception of a child. The book may be fantastic, but I hate the phrase. But that’s just me 🙂
There is so much more information available now, and I bet that in 25 years more time, we will learn even more.
It’s so funny to see different reactions to the phrase, “knocked up”. Some people think it hilarious, and others, like you, think it vulgar, but Donielle is a lovely lady, regardless of whether you like her blog and book name. 🙂
Thank you, Kimi, for sharing this. I have always resonated with your experience through reading your blog but never as much as this post. I lost my second baby a week and a half ago after just a day and a half after his birth. Our situation was also statistically very rare, which at this point, I am clinging too as it brings me some ease around feeling guilty that maybe there was something I could have done. Of course, there was not. I also resonate because I have been nourishing myself and my family with traditional whole foods for years now and education around nourishing food is a major part of my career. I appreciate you so much highlighting that, while it is critical to health, it is not the be all and end all to protect us from health issues. When some kind of tragedy or health crisis hits us, it’s important to know that we have been and are doing our best with the information that we have to keep ourselves well. And through no fault of our own, we can still be affected by the environment, our genes, our personal spiritual path and many other factors that we can’t even identify. It is important to not get to dogmatic and I appreciate that about your approach very much. Thank you for sharing both your personal journey and your professional expertise with us! It has helped me along my own life path and particularly at this moment.
Oh, Monica, I am so sorry for your loss. There is a lot of talk about making healthy and beautiful babies in the nourishing food world, and while I think a lot of the information is true and helpful, there is a very real fear of mine that it can tend to blame parents if anything ever bad happens. There is a lot out of our control still, which is why that blame is just untrue as well as damaging. Prayers and thoughts going your way.
Kimi, I’ve been reading your blog for some time now, and I knew you had lost a baby, just not how. It strikes near at the raw spots in my heart as well. We struggled with infertility for 5 years and had three miscarriages before being blessed with 4 children in 5 years. This struggle is also what led me to our current diet. Like you, I had eaten pretty well…actually all my life. My mom gave us “real food,” much of which they had grown themselves, but it was still grown traditionally, and my mom wasn’t aware about properly prepared grains. I briefly dabbled with an “infertility diet” that was vegan and included lots of soy (which I now know to be the antitheses of a healthy fertile diet), but then, I believe by God’s grace, I stumbled upon Nourishing Traditions. We’ve been eating that way ever since, and after about a year on that diet, I conceived (with some medical help) and stayed pregnant. I had complications after that delivery and could have died, which led me to some more research. Long story short, I ended up having severe vitamin deficiencies, which led to the diagnosis of celiac disease. After going gluten free, my last two pregnancies and deliveries were beautiful with no complications. Like you, I don’t believe we have control over everything or that we can absolutely prevent birth defects or pregnancy/delivery complications, but I do believe that FOOD is one thing we can do to help minimize our chances of these things. I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry for mine, but I am so very glad that through that, I was led to adopt a nourishing lifestyle that will impact my precious children for years to come. Thank you for your blog. I love your gentle, practical advice and wonderful nutritious recipes.
I too have been humbled by giving birth to a son who had a birth defect. We do need to remember God is in control and not to make food our God. Thank you so much for your beautiful blog.
I work as a prenatal genetic counselor and see many families dealing with carrying a pregnancy that is found to have a birth defect. Some of these defects have an explainable reason (drug abuse as an example), but unfortunately most do not. They happen to all types of families, following all types of diets, ranging from real foods, to fast foods. It doesn’t always make sense! It can be very frustrating.
I came across your blog looking for a homemade mayo recipe and learned about Faith in your about section. I then searched your blog and found this post. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so very sorry. I lost my son Jacob about a year ago at 25 weeks. Bloodwork afterwards revealed I have mthfr and another inherited blood clotting disorder. I too took very good care of myself, ate gluten free, organic, grass-fed etc. Stillbirth and early infant loss happens more frequently than people realize and crosses every socioeconomic barrier. What Ariyele said is true. Losses like ours often lead us to places we never would’ve gone. I’m about to go back to school to get my Nutritonal Therapist certification. I’ve discovered that nutrition is a true passion of mine and my heart and mind are finally in a place to pursue that. I’m also delving deeper into the nourishing foods concept to make my body as strong and healthy as it can be to conceive and carry another child. I’m looking forward to exploring your blog more. Blessings to you 🙂